Oh sure, the NSA wiretapping has you spooked. Who knows what they could do with the information; could all of those take out orders from Omar's Falafel House be somehow misinterpreted as aiding Enemies of the State? Could a Republican business competitor get hold of the record of all your calls to 1-900-HOT-GIRL?
Don't worry! These clowns are still trying find the mastermind of the "Prince Albert in a Can" plot, and where in the world Seymore Butz is hiding. They couldn't data mine Samoans from a Girl Scout cookie order form. The guys running the program were appointed by Republicans for crissakes, so their relevant background is sleeping with each other's sisters in college.
But even if there are a few competent people stripping away your civil rights, that doesn't mean they've won. Oh no, they've opened a new door for you to dick with the Republican Party! Here's how it works: